Moving Forward
“What we once enjoyed and deeply loved we can never lose, For all that we love deeply becomes a part of us.”
Helen Keller
“Move on.” Whether you are mourning a relationship, a person or a time, everyone has heard this phrase before and often from well-intended individuals. You may be thinking “moving on,” “moving forward,” what’s the big deal both are conveying the same thing. However, words are powerful and the semantics of “on” and “forward” do matter.
“Moving on” sets up the expectation that we cannot feel, that we should just put on a happy face, and to proceed with life as if nothing happened. “Moving on” keeps us in a place where our feelings become frozen only for it to revisit us as strongly as it initially did. “Moving on” is not just about a preposition, but about a mindset that tells us that we CAN move on, that we are able to proceed with life as it was before, that our loss will not impact us.
However, for those who have experienced loss and grief, moving on seems like an impossible task. Most of the time it is. Grief is incredibly complex. As time passes, we change. Just as we evolve and change, that same grief evolves and changes too. Grief never truly disappears. It stays with us and impacts us in ways we may not even realize. Rather than pretending as if it did not affect us and as if we are “fine,” we must first acknowledge that things may look different.
“Moving forward” allows us to grieve and allows us to embrace that change; it gives us permission to say to ourselves that we have lost something. It honors our experiences and our past. Grief says, “Yes, I lost a loved one; I miss them terribly and they are no longer here.” Grief teaches us the pain that comes with loss. However, in walking with grief, it also teaches us to embrace not only pain, but also love and compassion. There is no way around grief; there are no shortcuts. The only way is to go through it.
When we “move forward” we can learn to truly grieve and love. When we “move forward” we can heal and begin to rebuild.