“It’s not you, It’s me:” Recognizing our own Toxic Tendencies

These days there are a lot of discussions, posts, articles and memes on “toxic” people, “toxic” relationships, “toxic” environments etc. We’re all about sending and welcoming only “good vibes.” It has become easy for us to point our fingers at others, label them as “toxic” and decide to cut certain people and/or places out of our lives. 

However, people are multifaceted. The fact is everyone has the potential to have toxic tendencies and/or be in toxic situations, environments, relationships, etc. Although some environments, relationships and people can be truly toxic; even the best people, places and circumstances may or will be toxic at a certain point. Avoiding toxicity completely in life is virtually impossible. 

If we, as a society, truly want to avoid “toxicity,” we must look within ourselves first. It’s time that we sit with ourselves, look in the mirror and acknowledge experiences and relationships in which we may have been the one who demonstrated toxic behaviors. As we start this process, we begin to view people, situations, relationships in the context of their own complex world. Rather than being quick to label others as “toxic,” we can learn to discern who or what is truly toxic and in what circumstances. 

You can start by observing and honestly looking at those around you. Too often, individuals surround themselves with people who enable their behaviors, both harmful and non harmful, potentially affirming their actions with a false sense of accountability and self-awareness. When we surround ourselves with a strong support network that is able to give us what we need, and not what we want, we can truly begin to bring in “good vibes” into our lives. 

Once we acknowledge our own toxic traits and tendencies we can begin to get rid of toxicity and welcome “good vibes.” In doing so, this may open our eyes to view others with more empathy and compassion when we see that we all have aspects of our character that we can work on. We are all human. We have made mistakes and will make mistakes. We are all a work in progress. Let’s lean in and listen.